Where is the Beauty in this?

Well, it has been a long time since I have written anything here. Where do I even begin? It has been a rollercoaster of a month for me.

Literally, a week after my grandpa passed away so did my grandma. I flew home that weekend to be with family and attend services. Then flew back to Asheville to work. And since then, my life has been consumed with teaching (which has been just a heck of a ride as well). And then last week my life started to slow down a little bit... And when I thought I was great, BAM. Grief hit me. Hard.

I was listening to messages because someone had called me and left a message, but of course to do that I had to listen to old messages and perhaps delete a few. That's when I heard the sweet, sweet voice of my grandma Rea on the other end of the telephone. And boom. The tears came and came steadily.

So this week has been hard. My heart has been breaking. And questions are rising to the surface. Like, If disease is not from God and He turns these bad things into good, what is the good? Show my the beauty! Show me how this became a good thing? Because right now, it feels like an awful bad thing. I don't see the redemption, the restoration.

I just miss my Grandma.

Above all, He is Sovereign

Last night my Grandpa Rea passed on to be with our Heavenly Father for Eternity. I am so thankful that he is home, at peace, and his body and mind is completely restored. There are so many fun memories I have of my grandpa. (Many of them include my cousins and how ridiculous we were). And to be honest, I am looking forward to being home with my family and strolling down memory lane. There are sure to be lots of laughs!

But, this past week my family also learned that my Grandma Rea has been diagnosed with acute lukemia. This in itself was devastating. My grandma went to the hospital feeling sick the day after Christmas. We were all very concerned and unsure about where this "sickness" came from. So multiple tests later we discover its lukemia. And then we have to wait for MORE tests to decide what the treatment plan is. And stunningly enough, there is not much that "they" can do for her due to her age, etc. And the prognosis doesn't look good, so to speak.

It's almost to much to even believe. My sweet, sweet mother (and aunts and uncle) lose their father in the same week they learn their mother is terminally ill. Insane. Rub your eyes, and make sure it's not a dream, insane. But this is real. It is really happening.

So the other day as I was talking (well more like fighting) this over with God, he told me a few things. Deep in my spirit, something changed. 1- God reminded me that disease is not OF God. Disease is a worldly thing, and He is not of this world. BUT, he will take any thing of this world and turn into beauty. He will restore disease. And it shocked me, because so many times we plead with God, "Why why why did you do this" And In my doing so, he simply replied "I am not a giver of disease and death, but a giver of life"

Today I am choosing to believe that God is who He says He is. He is the God of the Bible. So I am putting these truths into action, by choosing to Believe. Amidst the pain and sadness. I will believe. He is Healer, Redeemer, Giver of Life, Love.

Choose with me today to believe as well.